Ruffling Turkey Feathers

As the 2007 Thanksgiving holiday in America approaches, I am reminded of social eating once again. I think if anything, this holiday is the most focused on food as that’s what it seems to be all about – The Food.

The main meal – the Turkey Dinner is in the foreground while the real meaning is in the background for most people celebrating it.

My hope is that people needing some insight will read this in time – it addresses some social eating issues with raw and vegetarian eaters. Many people handle themselves quite well around others. They do not let pushy friends and relatives get to them. They happily do and eat what they want to do and don’t place blame on anyone or guilt on themselves. But there are those who either feel guilty or defensive and those feelings are much more intense during a shared Thanksgiving Dinner with loved ones.

I have found with my own history and background, that I myself have been pushy and judgmental plenty of times before embarking on my own journey to health. I have thought that people eating and doing different and healthier things than I was strange and I never understood it. I can chalk a lot of that up to immaturity and ignorance, and an unwillingness to learn and explore anything outside of my own box.

Not to ruffle any feathers, but it seems to me that a lot of folks, who tend to allow themselves to be bothered by others around them, may have themselves been over-critical and not understanding of others at one time in their lives. Now that the tables are turned on them being the different ones, they have a hard time dealing with people.

One of the things that cause a lot of stress, in myself, is my mind constantly setting up a situation before it happens. Some people may call it a “monkey mind" or "monkey chatter" but I just think of it as brain thought overload!

I may start thinking of a particular event that I am going to experience, and with that event all the things that could go wrong. I could be thinking about a certain friend or relative who will probably be saying this and that to me, and all the things I should say and do in response.

Even 10 times worse, I would tend to think about something after the fact:

“Why did s/he say that to me?”

“Gosh they were so pushy with me, they made me eat something because I was so annoyed at their behavior!”

“He really embarrassed me by what he said – he didn’t have to broadcast my diet to the whole table!”

“Why did I give in to her constant prodding? I should have just told her ‘no thank you’ for the 5th time and she would have finally gotten the picture! Now I am going to wake up with a cooked hangover, and probably have to deal with really bad cooked food cravings for a whole week!”

“I should have told him that I just feel great eating this way and leave it at that. Why did I have to get in a big debate over the evils of dairy?”

The kicker is that all of these people I was thinking about, probably weren’t even thinking about me. They were likely happily home and in bed, or wrapping up their evenings in their own way, not worrying or going on and on about what happened between me and them.

You see how the stress of the holidays, are more of an inner stress that can fester inside of us! It's a "welcomed" stress that we create all by ourselves.

As a child, were you ever stressed out about such things? I wasn’t! I can remember my mother getting very, very stressed, getting ready for Holiday Company. I could never guess why she would yell at me.

As I became a mother, I found myself yelling at my own, and getting *myself* stressed out when we were expecting company, and the time was getting closer to their arrival. I'd be scrambling around, trying to get everything "done" before it was time. Over the years, I did get a handle on it, but when I’m not organized, I tend to get stressed again.

Well, we cannot go back in time and become children again, now can we, and why would we, because with age comes experience and you wouldn’t want to undo all the experience you’ve accrued over the years.

As we become older, we become better equipped with wisdom in how to deal with certain situations. And it is inevitable that something will bother us and fester from time to time. But knowing how to deal with things does help:

• Be happy and not defensive. A smile or a laugh always helps when answering a question. As hard as it may be when the time comes, smile and find amusement in the situation you are in!

• You don’t have to succumb to anything you don’t want to. Especially if you know eating something could make things unpleasant and uncomfortable to your body. Just like an allergy or other health condition, you shouldn’t eat something that disagrees with you or causes a severe reaction in you. Your eating lifestyle should be no different than someone who can't tolerate certain foods from an allergy or a diabetic steering clear of cake.

• If there is an exchange or words that make you uncomfortable, try to be in control of the situation. Try not to let it fester and bother you later on. Make a quick turn-around by thinking of something funny that will erase that bad memory. Or pray for the person who made you uncomfortable. Or even give that person a hug. Turn around the situation quickly so you aren’t left to mull it over in your head the rest of the evening.
  
  
  

Eating Raw Socially II

This is part II of Eating Raw Socially - The Food Part.

There are many situations you will find yourself in that will challenge your will to eat. You may throw up your hands and eat a cooked meal due to a few factors:

Cravings - Along with hunger and limited options, most people are prone to go off their diets, whether it is a cooked diet or raw.

Make sure you never leave the house hungry, or never go to a restaurant, person's home or an event really hungry. Leave the house on a full stomach, and bring some snacks or fruit along with you just in case you decide not to eat.

Guilt - Often people "break" their diets because they are made to feel guilty for not eating someones special recipe, or a meal set before them that has been paid for by someone else. Many times they will use the excuse that they are being a good guest, but a good guest should not really be eating anything they are allergic to or eat food that will harm his or her health. This is no different than eating something that isn't raw if you are commited to a raw food diet.

Lack of freedom - the best eating situations are those which will give the eater a choice of foods, such as a buffet, an open menu in a restaurant, or a pot-luck. The times when many of us feel a bit stuck or end up not eating altogether, or even give in to eating cooked food, is usually when we are a guest at a sit-down predetermined meal, or in the rare case of a restaurant not having fresh food.

There are ways to get around this. One of them is to let the host know you are on a special diet ahead of time, and that you'll be bringing a large salad or fruit plate along to share. If this is met with disagreement, you can tell the host that you'll be bringing it for yourself, since this is what you are able to eat. The host might want to make you a meal that you can eat, in that case be very specific.

I once told someone that I was vegetarian for health reasons (I wasn't all raw at the time) and they made me a special chili relleno casserole. It was loaded with cheese, and they are notoriously made with eggs - full of cholesterol. So be specific. Tell them you eat fresh, uncooked fruit and vegetables but be prepared - not everyone understands this and you might find cheese, croutons and meat on your salad. You might find whipped cream with your fruit or your fruit suspended in Jello. This would be the extreme case here - most people I know would not do this.

In the case of a wedding with a preset sit-down dinner, my personal thoughts are to bring some food along in a nice gift bag or purse. I have heard of some people calling the caterer ahead, but I wouldn't do this, knowing that they are juggling over 100 guests in most cases, and the last thing I want to put on the bride and caterer is having to worry about the one raw fooder.

Many times I have seen untouched dinner plates, so I wouldn't worry about not eating the mass-produced food at a wedding as much of an issue. It is easy to avoid sitting in front of your plate - getting up to mingle or walking around is a way to avoid eating, or just getting engaged in a conversation with someone else at the dinner table.

Here are some ideas of things to bring along just in case you are hungry:

• Dates


• Nuts


• Bags of grapes


• 2-3 Bananas


• Apples


• Oranges


• Raw crackers

Eating Raw Socially I

Right now is the perfect time to address this huge issue amongst raw eating. We are about to enter the holiday season where temptation and social eating situations are right around the corner.

The social eating dilemma is very complex. It is not a “one situation fits all” as we deal with different personalities and different food service situations.

After pursuing the raw diet over 6 years now, I do have to say that the social aspect of it is one of the most, if not, the most challenging aspect of the raw diet. Personally, I will not change my diet under a social situation, but there sure can be plenty of obstacles when it comes to conversations and situations in which I’ve found myself.

This will be in two parts. I will address the first part of social raw eating that has to do with communication and answering questions, and getting out of some possibly uncomfortable debates!

Let’s look at all the different facets on eating raw socially:

Most importantly - what kind of person are you?

Person A

Do you feel like you have to ‘adjust’ to the crowd so you don’t stand out or make yourself feel open to questions, comments and criticism?

You may be the type who cannot handle answering questions or concerns so you’d rather not eat differently than others. You will often give up your raw diet easily because it is more important for you to feel accepted by others, and because you cannot handle “being yourself”, you feel that doing what everyone else is doing will make it easier to blend in

Person B

Do you have absolutely no problem eating what you want around others, but feel like you have to be prepared to answer questions?

1. You may be an argumentative type of person, desiring to be noticed for being different, but ready to put people in their place or change others to your way of eating. You may often find yourself in a heated argument with others or being very defensive or backed into a corner. You may constantly feel a lot of judgment from friends and family. In the back of your mind, you may not feel completely at ease with your diet choices, or you may be new to raw foods.

2. On the other hand, you may not be the type of person who wants to be in the battle-zone about your food choices, but you just want to be left alone and in peace with your meal. You might just need some tips on phrases to say when met with questions and objection, to nip in the bud a conversation that might get uncomfortable to you.


Now, try to see which category you fall into. Most people are going to be an A or a B1 or B2. The reason I believe this, is because those who are in the C category are the ones who can easily handle themselves in social situations or really don't care (and have little need to read this!)

Person A – this is for you

You need validation to eat how you feel is the most healthy for your body. You will never be able to reach your goals if you are constantly trying to flex yourself to be like everyone else.

Think of this.

Not everyone likes the same things. Do you think 50 people would all eat the same flavor of ice cream at Baskin-Robbins? Of course not. Everyone will want a different flavor, and you know that there is a possibility that some of them will not even be able to tolerate the ice cream; they’ll be eating sherbet or nothing at all. And there are actually people in the world who just don’t like ice cream. One of my husband’s friends does not eat dairy, he just plain doesn’t like it. Now just suppose 30 of those 50 people all order chocolate ice cream, do you think those 30 people will argue with and judge the other 20 people for not getting the same flavor?

Now let’s look at this from a ‘healthier’ point of view. What if you were at a big slumber party and everyone went to sleep without brushing his or her teeth? You try to go to sleep, but you feel uncomfortable, you have a bad taste in your mouth, and your teeth don’t feel clean and smooth? You are lying there feeling really gross and nobody else cares, they are all nodding off to sleep but you alone are lying there and can’t stand it. You know you can get up out of your sleeping bag and go right to the bathroom and brush them. You have your toothbrush and toothpaste with you so that’s not an issue. What’s stopping you?

So now what if you were invited to dinner somewhere and you were very allergic to wheat and dairy. Lasagna, garlic bread and salad are being served. If you were allergic to wheat and dairy it is obvious you would be foregoing the lasagna and garlic bread anyway. When people have been eating raw long enough, having dairy and wheat is a recipe for disaster and a shock to the system. This is something to seriously think about if you are planning on “going with the flow” when you eat socially.

When you are eating and staying raw through all functions, you do want to keep in mind that your body may not very well tolerate anything other than raw, fresh food. Using yourself as a guinea pig in a social situation would in fact be a recipe for disaster and may make others uncomfortable should your body have some kind of reaction to a food its being reintroduced to. After all is said and done, you may end up being the center of attention after all.

Person B – this is for you

You want to eat the way you want to eat around others. The problem is, can you handle yourself when faced with questions, comments and criticism?

The very best route to take here whether you fall under the 1 or 2 category is to avoid any back and forth discussion. If you already answer someone’s question and then get hit with another question, do you see the way the conversation is going here? So by the second question or challenge, it is your responsibility to put an end to the discussion. There are so many variables here, depending on the person or intention of the discussion, we will address a few:

You (to the wait staff) – I will have a large entrée salad with everything on the side please
Dining companion – Is that all you are going to eat?
You – Yes, I feel good when I eat this way.
Dining companion – What way do you eat?
You – I love eating fresh food.
Dining Companion – What do you mean by fresh food?
You – You know, fruits and vegetables.
Dining Companion – Where do you get your protein?
You – I don’t know, but I feel great eating this way.

Here I wrote everything that “you” say to try to end the conversation, but if you’ll notice the Dining Companion keeps asking another question. In most situations this won’t happen, but if you keep going back to how you like eating this way, and how great it makes you feel it would be very rare for the conversation to continue.

Here are some other “comebacks” to try to diffuse the conversation:

Them – Oh, you like rabbit food?!
You – I love it! I feel great eating this way!
(You could return the joke with “Oh - you like vulture food?” depending on the mood of the day, but that’s not always safe)

Them – Do you eat this way all the time?
You – So far, yes! I feel great eating this way!

Them – Would you like a slice of cake?
You – no thanks, I just ate

I learned the “no thanks, I just ate” courtesy of Dr. Douglas Graham. It always works. I’ve had people say this to me, even when I am only offering a glass of water (and I know they are not vegan nor raw).

Them - Why do you eat this way?
You – My doctor prescribed this diet for me, and it’s wonderful (when you include something about your ‘doctor’ there’s very little resistance to the idea).

How about when folks want to know more about your diet? And you are not comfortable discussing it right then and there at the dinner table or when you are all eating? Here are some simple things to say.

Them – I’m dying to know what you’ve been doing - you look great!
You – Oh, thank you! I’d love to share it with you. Can I call you or get your e-mail address? I have a ton of information I can give you.

Them – So tell me about this diet you’re on.
You – Oh, it’s so simple! Can I call you or e-mail you the information? Let’s write down your contact information, I have a piece of paper in my purse somewhere…

Them – I heard you are on a new diet…I’m dying to hear about it.
You – Oh I can’t wait to tell you! When can we chat about it?

Do you see how this diffuses the conversation and will give you opportunity to share or discuss (or maybe even debate) later, one-on-one with your friend?

Hopefully some of these tips have helped with prickly and just plain curious people. Next we will discuss how to handle the actual food part of social raw eating!

Advice to the hosts and guests on Thanksgiving!




It has come to my attention, as it does every year, that many people on a raw or vegan diet are now cringing about going to a traditional Thanksgiving dinner. And many people hosting traditional Thanksgiving dinners are now cringing about having to prepare something for the vegan or raw foodist coming to your dinner.

Firstly, let us all remember what this holiday represents.

We give thanks for the freedoms that our forefathers worked so hard at attaining.

We also give thanks for everything we've been blessed with and those we love and cherish.

We also give thanks for having food on the table.

Are we specific about the kind of food? No, we are just thankful that we have food to eat!

So here are a few words of advice to the host/ess:

1) Please don't feel offended if one of your guests won't eat the food you've worked so hard at preparing.

2) There is no need to ask why they are eating this way, where do they get their protein or calcium, or pressure the person not wanting the food. Maybe they don't care for the food, maybe they have an allergy, or maybe there's a health reason behind it, but don't allow it to bother you!

3) Be sure to offer fresh food, at least a nice green salad with fresh vegetables (things like croutons, meats and cheese would be better on the side), and at least some fresh fruit. This way everyone at the table can enjoy the food.

4) There's no need to obsess over a guest who might look like they are not eating enough. Trust me, it is much more uncomfortable for the guest who is made the center of attention because their eating choices are different from everyone else's.

And here are a few words of advice to guests:

1) Ahead of time, casually let the host/ess know you eat mostly fresh fruits and vegetables. The word "raw" confuses most people and the host/ess may try to make some kind of elaborate raw dish which may not go over well.

2) Offer to bring a big salad or a fruit plate to share.

3) Do not make comments about how unhealthy everyone else's food is.

4) If someone asks you the protein question, Dr. Doug Graham suggests just telling them you feel great and you really never thought about it. The last thing you want to do is get into a big debate. If you get questioned a lot let them know you'd love to talk about it later.

Above all, just enjoy one another. When everyone is happy and relaxed the tension will be eased all around.

Happy Thanksgiving!